A weird thing happened to me over the last couple of days and that was that I realised that I am actually happy and the happiest I have been in a long time. I am genuinely someone that people would say is a very cheerful and happy person. It’s not that I am not that person but for a while it has felt like there was something that was stopping me from reaching my full happiness potential.
At first I thought it was just because I had taken a bit of time away from work and had been on holiday. I am sure that this has impacted me in someway and has probably abled me to catch up on sleep and just to be able to generally feel refreshed. The more I thought about it though the more I realised that it wasn’t the holiday that had physically brought back happiness it was the time that I had spent reflecting on things that had happened over the last year and I had finally managed to let a lot of these things go and be able to move on.
I spent a lot of time over the last year thinking that I was wrong in certain situations or that I was wrong for taking time to try to focus of my well being rather than others. Certain people in my life weren’t necessarily happy with the choices that I made and this caused some tensions. I never felt that I had made the wrong decisions but I blamed myself for how this could have impacted others. Whilst having a bit of free time I realised that the decisions that I made were the right decisions for me and that I cannot go on blaming myself for choosing to look after me. We are brought up thinking that being selfish is a bad thing but sometimes we need to be a bit selfish to improve the lives that we are living.
I have also been surrounding myself with people who are very confident in themselves and this has showed me that I do not need to hide myself from other people. In the past I have hidden parts of my personality in order to fit in with others or to not show my true self at work. But this has only led to me not knowing who I really am or even making me feel I can’t be my true self. By realising I can be my true self I have gained a lot more confidence and has allowed me to probably attract more friends because I am showing more of my personality.
I think my happiness has increased due to my realising that I can be who I want to be and that its ok to just be me. Even if I am a bit weird sometimes. By letting go of doubt that I have had over old decisions I made I have lifted that worry off myself and allowed my self to live more in the moment. I really have enjoyed having this new lease of life and I hope it continues.